Week 1 - 158

So it’s 12:52 AM and I feel possessed. My entire life I have avoided the doctor’s office, the DMV, dating profiles all because I live in fear of the question “So, how much do you weigh?” And now, like the lunatic that I am, I’m announcing it to the world.

I currently weigh 158 pounds.

Now, 158 is nowhere near the 210 I used to see pop up on the scale, and it’s not quite the 142 I got down to by the end of last Summer. 

So, why now?

Well, due to the stress of last semester, I put on quite a bit of weight. My meals were nutritionally unbalanced (my idea of a balanced diet is a chocolate chip cookie in each hand), my cardio regimen flew out the window and I discovered Costco sized jars of Nutella. 

But it’s all good, right? I kept telling myself that summer would come and I would drop the weight. And then summer came. And I tried. I worked out, I freakin weighed my food and logged in all pertinent nutritional vales into an online food journal.

Sounds good, right? Except I’ve been on vacation for a month now and I’ve only managed to lose about four pounds.  Ok, I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t been perfect and four pounds is definitely progress, but when you are aiming for a two pound progress per week, four pounds in four weeks can be pretty frustrating.

SO, WHY NOW???

Last year, when I lost a significant amount of weight, around 50 pounds (for a grand total of 68 pounds), it was pretty easy to find motivation. Yah, yah, yah, I know what you’re thinking, “you gotta do it for you”. Puhleeeeeeeezzzzzzz, sure, you gotta do it for you, to improve your health and your overall quality of life, but if you ask people who have lost a significant amount of weight, many of them did not start of doing it for themselves.

They did it because they hated being the one who always offered to take the group photo instead of having their picture taken because they couldn’t bear to see it online or printed out later on.

They did it because they hated the stigma that comes with being heavy; the assumption that a weight problem is a result of laziness.

They did it because, ironically, even though they were bigger than everyone else in the room, they still felt or wished to be invisible.

They did it because of that jerk, coworker, family member, friend, fellow human being who made that insensitive comment.

They did it because they hated the look they got in boutiques and clothing shops. The one that asks you to leave the store and head over to the plus size shop, just with a cursory glance.

And then, finally, they did it for themselves.

My first chunk of weight loss was to shut everyone up. It was also motivated by all the reasons listed above. But those last few pounds? I lost those to prove to myself that I am strong, that I’m not lazy. That I’m worth it

And now I know that I am strong. I am ambitious and driven. I am worth it.

Now, this time, it’s for me. I think.

My dream weight is 125. I call this my dream weight, because until very recently I never thought I could get below 150, let alone the 120’s.

Honestly, I think would be perfectly happy to be around 135 as this is a perfectly normal and healthy weight for my height.

So here’s the plan. My best friend’s wedding is in mid-August and I want to walk down that aisle as a bridesmaid with confidence.

So by mid-August, which is in exactly 2 months, I want to be around 140 lbs.  18 pounds in 2 months seems like a practical, safe, achievable, yet challenging goal. This ain’t gonna come easy.

I will, G-d willing, keep counting my calories, work out at least 3 times a week, and bring my “A game”.

So why announce my weight?

Because the most important thing I have learned throughout my journey is that size DOES matter, but weight does not. It’s all about how you perceive yourself and how big you feel.  My weight, whether 150 or 250 is just a number.   A number that I apparently feel free yelling from the cyber rooftops. A number that I hope will never define me, but rather serve as a general guideline for a healthy life

So why make this blog now?

Honestly? I’m tired. I’m tired of dieting, tired of talking about dieting, tired of being harassed by people who think I’m taking extreme measures, but more importantly, I’m tired of looking up by BMI and still being classified as “overweight”.

This blog is meant to serve as a tool to keep me accountable, as I’ll be less likely to forgo my healthy eating/ fitness plan if I know I have to report back about my progress at least once a week. It is also a place where I can vent about my love for cheese fries and my irritation with the guys who wear too much cologne at the gym.

Honestly, I’m not sure if anyone will ever even read this blog, or if I even want anyone to know about it. However, if you ever find yourself reading this, or future posts, feels free to comment  (anonymously or not), ask questions, and get involved.